What is the ‘True Self’? And how can we be our true selves?
“Be kind to yourself, dear – to our innocent follies. Forget any sounds or touch you knew that did not help you dance. You will come to see that all evolves us…” -Rumi
How to Be Your True Self?
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Listen to your heart!”
Especially if you are thinking about a difficult or important decision, this sentence can be a guide for you. It seems that when you refer to your true self, you can make better long-term decisions.
But why should we listen to our hearts, and be completely ourselves?
Why being our true selves, so important for us?
In this article, we will know more about the various dimensions of being our true selves, and know more about the practical solutions to achieve this important goal.
What Is The True Self?
The essence of life is ‘your absolute truth’. This essence is what makes you who you are. The essence that lies deep in your being and beyond all your capacities.
The true self is what we are, beyond all behaviors, beliefs, culture, and habits that we have learned from the society or others. Our true self is who we actually are, in the depths of our being.
Sometimes our inner reality, is hidden under the signs and labels of everyday life, and may be colored by our experiences, the expectations of others, and how others view us (with adjectives such as always “smart” “athletic” “calm” “angry” or “happy”). This can further obscure this inner reality.
In fact, our true self may not be what others think we are based on their interactions with us or even the person that we are today… We may be influenced by the should and should nots of others such as our parents, society and school rules, or friends. So in many areas of our lives we may hide or not show our true selves, our real values and beliefs, unique inherent and natural tendencies in order to gain the approval of others or feel safe, feel desired or find acceptance by others, or even feel part of the others for ourselves.
In this concept, the mask is the public face or role a person presents to others as someone different from who we really are, like a mask that hides the true face of an actor…
And most of the times, in such cases we may not be aware that we are hiding our truth from our own selves or others to earn a place that is not condemned by the important people in our lives.
Why Should You Be Your True Self?
You may ask yourself what it takes to find your true self, and what you are missing out on if you don’t?
According to the psychologist and psychiatrist Carl Jung’s ‘mask theory’, the outward face that we present to the world, is a mask that ‘conceals’ our ‘real self’ and it can be described as the “conformity” archetype.
Carl Jung’s mask theory signifies the unification of consciousness and unconsciousness in a person, and represents the psyche as a whole. This theory is realized as the product of individuation, which in Jung’s view, is the process of integrating various aspects of one’s personality.
According to Carl Jung, the ‘self’ is not only the ‘regulating center of the psyche’ but also the ‘whole circumference’ which embraces both ‘conscious and subconscious’.
If you avoid this journey, you are actually avoiding your true self, which can be the source of your peace, achievements, success and prosperity. The individualization that Jung refers to, can also have the following benefits for you:
Gaining The Trust Of Others
Most people can easily recognize that someone is being pretentious, fake, and even if a person is very well behaved, they will know the true personality of another person as time goes by and people show their true intentions and personalities, when a person is not building a true and trustworthy connection with them for a long-term connection, as other people who value ‘morals’ usually find it harder to trust such people. So being honest, trustworthy and true to yourself, and others, makes others trust you more in reality.
Having Satisfying Relations
When you are honest and open, others feel more comfortable with you, and both parties are more likely to express their true feelings freely, establish deeper connections and build trust, long-term goals and gain more satisfaction from a deeper and more meaningful connection with each-other.
Feeling Happy
You will be happier when you learn to accept situations, people and life, embrace yourself as a whole and be true to your own self and others, when you don’t lie to yourself and others, and act on who you really are you will have more satisfying results in your life and this will lead you to a more happy and more satisfying life.
How To Face Your True Self?
Even you as yourself, don’t always see your true self!
To see it, you have to peel away the superficial layers of your personality and go deep. This is how you can connect with your inner essence and live a happy and fulfilling life.
But doing this process is not as simple as talking about it. You may not even know exactly what to do. To get on this path, you need 3 components:
- Patience
- Persistence
- Enduring the suffering that you face on the journey of your self discovery and finding this precious gem
In fact, from the moment you decide to start this journey, you should do your best to find your own personal values and establish your own rules and value system for life.
Know yourself better and remove from your life what you are used to doing just to please and approve of others, which you do not really approve yourself.
Self-knowledge is the first step to knowing and approaching this goal.
“Be like the sun for grace and mercy. Be like the night to cover others’ faults. Be like running water for generosity. Be like death for rage and anger. Be like the Earth for modesty. Appear as you are. Be as you appear.” -Rumi
Tips To Be Your True Self
There are many ways to get closer to who you really are.
Let’s examine some of these solutions below:
1. Meditate
Meditation is one of the ways to help you know yourself better and by knowing yourself better, you can be your true self in life. It is best to sit in a quiet corner of the house or in nature, away from the busyness of everyday life.
Then, put your body in a comfortable position and take a few deep breaths, allowing your body and mind to relax. Try to focus on your breathing and don’t think about anything else.
Your inner truth is hidden somewhere deep in your mind and behind the thoughts and habits of everyday life. While meditating, thoughts may interfere with your mind and distract you; It is best to pay attention to the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing and try to see them without judgment.
(Read this article to know more about meditation.)
2. Write about yourself
Writing down your thoughts and feelings daily helps you find yourself on the edge of your writing. When we write for ourselves, we don’t worry about how others might see us or judge us, so we can express what we really think.
Writing can also help us categorize and organize our thoughts. To create this habit, you can write down the events, thoughts, and feelings you experienced during the day each night. In the book Write to Happen, you learn how to make your dreams come true by writing.
3. Talk to close friends and ask others for their opinions
Having a close friend is one of the most important components of our personal health. Talking to a close friend about our feelings and thoughts and listening to his feedback and opinions helps us to know the hidden dimensions of our personality better and to discover our true self.
In addition to talking to close friends, listening to what other people say about you is also a useful exercise. Ask them two simple questions:
What strengths do you think I should develop?
What weaknesses do you think I should work on?
Of course, their opinion will not be complete, but their feedback will probably indicate a few areas that you should at least look at again. Sometimes the people closest to us can see things that we may not be able to see in ourselves.
4. Focus on what you are and find your inner peace
We all have standards and ideals of what good qualities are in our minds. Several factors shape these criteria; Factors such as:
Society’s expectations (such as the expectation of women to be thin and beautiful by certain standards.)
Family patterns and the way we are brought up
culture
and …
All these factors create an ideal image in our minds that we try to be like. If we look beyond these standards to our true selves and see who we are, rather than who we think we should be, we can get closer to our true selves.
(Read this article to know more about inner peace.)
5. Find your passion
Make a list of your interests and sort them by accessibility. Pursuing our passions is another way to remove the masks of everyday life and find our true selves.
6. Find your strengths and weaknesses
This may be the hardest thing to do to discover who you really are. But one thing is necessary: To find your strengths and weaknesses, you must first try, and know that it is really ok to make mistakes. If after a lot of effort in one area, you do not get results and even feel exhausted and disappointed about your achievements, it is better to use those experiences in other areas of your life, and look for other goals and gain strength in yourself.
7. Evaluate your relationships
When you realize that you never really know someone else until you know yourself, the importance of knowing yourself becomes clearer. This is especially true for business managers, because if you don’t know your team members, you will be lost as a manager.
But this law applies to any relation in your life. Others need to know who you are almost as much as you need to know yourself. People need you, your true self.
8. Find your life’s ‘Why’
What brings you to your full potential?
Are you at that point or are you still struggling to feel safe?
You are probably familiar with Self-Actualization in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, a motivational theory in psychology. This five-layer model of human needs in the form of a pyramid assumes that needs at lower levels must be satisfied before individuals can move to higher levels. (Click here to read the article about self-actualization.)
Some of the main requirements for a healthy mindset are:
Physiological needs
Feeling Safe (secured)
Affiliation (relations)
Self-esteem, Self-worth (sense of success)
Self-development (reaching full potential and self-knowledge, the change for better).
Basically, when you are in full control, rested, feel safe, and you have a sense of worthiness, belonging and self-esteem, your next step is to find your ‘why’ in life!
Your ‘why’ is your actual reason, some may call it ‘Dharma’ and some may call it their cause or purpose in life. We are happy when we have reason and know why we are on the path that we are and what is our next step, when you know your why, your existence becomes more meaningful and your steps forward become more empowering for you, because you can see beyond day to day existence and are clear about your steps forward, as your sight is not just that single step that carries your physical needs, but the horizon of living more than just existence, your ‘why’ is your reason to be hopeful and meaningful in life.
Are you ready to climb the ladder or do you need to change your environment first?
It is better to go step by step. (Read this article if you are ready to change your life!)
What Makes Us Not Be Our True Selves To Others?
Authenticity is a key factor in building deep and meaningful relationships with others. When people with their vulnerabilities are together, they can feel comfortable and close to each other.
But at the same time, the fear of being rejected and hurt in relation with others or in relationships after expressing our true selves is a factor that leads to hiding our true feelings and thoughts, or our true selves from others. Also, in society, people are afraid to behave genuinely and honestly, specially as the social media makes us believe that we are less worthy or successful if we are not like others.
Another reason can be a history of childhood abuse and subsequent persistent insecurity in adulthood. To be our true selves, we need to feel safe, If we are constantly bullied or hurt, we cannot trust to feel safe being our true self in-front of others and prefer to take care of ourselves with the masks that help us hide our true self, opinions and even true feelings.
(In this case you feel you need more help, you always can talk to a professional therapist about it and get professional guide on finding the hidden or unsolved things that need to be addressed in your subconscious-mind, always remember that there is no shame in getting help.)
It needs courage and practice to be our true selves in reality.
Being true to yourself means being exactly who you are, without distortion and without a mask.
This requires an understanding and acceptance of the fact that being imperfect in some areas of our lives is what makes us unique and human and is not a bad thing at all as long as we are in good terms with ourselves and the society.
To be ourselves, we must strengthen our strengths and accept all our shortcomings, imperfections and inherent and natural “defects”, when we address our shortcomings or imperfections we are ready to grow and embrace positive changes in our lives.
And in order to evolve, we are sometimes forced to step on our inner desires, fears or even mindset. And in this case we need to know our inner reality and consider our human nature to be “good”, emphasize the need to better understand it and act on it in a positive and mindful structure.
So we can move towards our true selves and live more fully by learning skills such as mindfulness meditation, writing down our thoughts daily, or talking to a close friend.
(Some of the resources for learning these essential skills are written in this website and hopefully can help you on your evolution.)
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the true self?
The true self is what we are, beyond all behaviors, beliefs, culture and in our most realistic form, in the depths of our being.
Sometimes our inner reality and true-self is hidden under the signs and labels of our daily lives for one or multiple reasons.
Why should you be your true self?
Your true self can be the source of peace, achievement, success and prosperity for you. If you avoid being your true self, you are actually avoiding peace, balance, freedom and true happiness in your life.
“Everybody is so beautifully becoming themselves.”
-Rumi
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